just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
