Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
