i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
