I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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