I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
