I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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