I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
