i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
