it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
