Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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