so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
