I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
