Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
