I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
