We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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