they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
