bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
being pregnant is like rehab
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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