if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
