yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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