Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
