i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
