dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
