I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
