U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
did i walk over a car last night?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
