I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
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Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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