She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
