im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize