No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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