I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
