Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
