I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
