hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
