i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
