I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
