So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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