Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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