allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You ruined the universe
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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