I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
