Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
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