Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize