So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
