BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
