hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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