Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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