my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
