all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
