Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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