Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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