u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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