i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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