I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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