Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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