I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
