awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
