masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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