I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
