1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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