You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Apparently you make a good broom.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
