she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
