I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
