Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
