your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
