Too much gin, very little bucket
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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