the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This is my gift to your gina
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
