Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
