if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
