I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
