Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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