shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
