Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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